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I am an Air Force wife and mother of three precious gifts from God. I enjoy learning at home with my children, and the many adventures this life sends our way. So stop by often to visit, and check out what the Five Nomads are up to.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Us Momma's Gotta Stick Together. . .

The other day I was struck by a few comments I read on a FB post.  A friend's daughter recently had a baby, and was posting about the frustrations of trying to figure out the sleeping patterns of a new baby.  We can all so relate to this topic.  A few ladies piped in and said things to the effect of, "I hear you sister!"  Then one commenter said something along the lines of, "You are a bunch of whiners, I've had it much harder.  When you have experienced this, we can talk."
I don't know this person, so maybe it was an inside joke.  Maybe they have a very good rapport, and this comment isn't offensive to the new momma.  Since it wasn't my comment, I didn't say anything.

BUT, it has been in the back of my mind.  I wonder, why it is that women feel such a strong desire to pull each other down?  Life isn't a competition of who has the most, whose kid is the best, or who has the crappiest life.  Isn't it supposed to be about our journey, and helping each other on the way?  Isn't the goal to get to heaven, and take as many people with you?
Sure if someone is a constant complainer, and doesn't seem to have the ability to see blessings in their life, a gentle reminder may be what they need.  Jesus did teach to go to your brother if there was a problem.  One of the beatitudes is to educate the ignorant (my memory paraphrasing).  We are called to hold one another accountable.  However, I think many times we are all so eager to point out the wrongness of others, that we forget the other half of the equation.  When we see something we are called to correct, we are to do so in LOVE!
Ladies, and gents if you fall into this category, we have got to stick together!  Raising children is HARD!!  It is long, arduous work.  (My husband likes to point out that it really isn't difficult. . .that is if you don't care.)  I mean, we have high hopes for these babes of ours.  Personally, my goal isn't to get them out of the house at 18.  It isn't even for them to be successful in this life.  I'm working for eternity here.  I am called to raise them for heaven.  And that, my friends is no small order.
So what exactly do I think will help?
A)  Simple compassion.  When that new mom is whining, yes whining, about how tired she is with her first baby (oh, we all did it) and you have two, three, or four children running around the house, be empathetic.  Don't squish her with, "well if you think that is hard, wait until you have. . ."  Try to remember what it was like when you were learning the ropes.  This compassion was beautifully modeled for me by my sister, Jody.  When The General was a toddler, making me crazy, she never judged or treated me poorly.  She listened with love, and offered suggestions and hope.  Remember my sister has 5 children, the last three only 4 years and some change apart.  (Yep, I whined to a woman homeschooling 3 children, with two tots running around.)  Never did she put me down or gossip behind my back.  She mentored me, and I'm forever grateful.  
B)  Think of life as learning, not competing against one another.
C)  Assume the best in one another.  If someone offers a tip, think they are really being kind, not saying you are incompetent.
D)  Grace. . .God covers us in His unending grace each day.  We need to share this awesome gift with one another.
Sorry to sound so preachy.  I just know how much I  appreciate women who have given me the emotional boost I have needed on a rough day.  I also know how challenging it can be when I run into one of the mommas who needs to "show me" their superiority.  This is really a waste of their time.  Believe me, I am so very aware of my imperfections.
I just think it is really important that. . .


  1. What a thoughtful post. Empathy is what the world needs a bit more of today. This is why I love my support groups, they are based on empathy---and that means we don't comment much unless we relate to the experience another is having. And then I've learned to share my experience, instead of saying "you should..." It's a narcissistic act to always top another to be the best or the worst, and be so invalidating to the person who is suffering. When I see this, I say nothing, but make a mental note of that person. These are people you keep at arms length, and try to find compassion for, because they inadvertently put up a wall for themselves. No one wants to be around a person who exaggerates(lies) to top everyone else.

    And a lack of sleep, is a lack of sleep---no matter the reason! Being dead tired and trying to be functional is a good reason to hug just about anyone.

  2. I couldn't agree more Brenda, about the sleep or the "top dog" personality. The challenge for me is to love them.

  3. Great post. We do need to stick together. Such a competitive world we live in these days. Soemtimes people just need to complain a bit. And get a little sympathy.

    I love the picture and the design!

  4. Thanks Mary. It is my back to school look. The photo at the top was taken from the deck of my in-laws home. Such a place of peace and love for our family.

  5. You are right we do need to stick together, build each other up and not tear down. Those who follow us need to see us as living examples. You are too kind and sweet, if I have done anything noble it is only because of the grace of God working in me. Thank you for the most kind compliment.