As I sit here typing, these are the things I hear in the background. (All statements from the Bubster are sad, and broken with tears in the middle.)
"I love you Blackout."
"I'm going to miss you Blackout."
"You are still breathing Blackout."
"But, he has been such a nice fish. It is just that I am going to miss him!"
Yes, our goldfish Blackout, AKA Boomer, AKA George is dying. I changed the water yesterday, and I'm not sure if I did something wrong or if it is just his time. His buddy Grace is swimming around the tank just fine. Alas, the fish is on his way out.
On the surface this is really sad. Bubby is crying and distressed. Which breaks my heart. I could have skipped this scene by flushing the fish, rushing to the pet store for a replacement, and Bubby would have been none the wiser. I could have saved him from this pain. But, I know that wouldn't be the best thing for my boy.
Losing the fish reminds me of the day we had to say goodbye to our beloved dog. For 12 years he was Mr. Nomad and my first baby. It is still hard for me to talk about that day, and I still miss that stupid dog. The silver lining (you know me, I'm the eternal half full) is the growth which comes from making our way through hard times.
Losing our dog was the hardest thing The General and Princess had ever experienced. What a beautiful parting gift it was. My furry boy was able to teach my babies even though it hurts really bad, life goes on. That you will experience happiness again, and how to cope with hurt. They relied heavily on our family love, and their faith. The first thing The General asked was for a family prayer.
So today as my sweet Bubby mourns the goldfish, I am grateful for this life lesson. It has sparked a discussion on eternal life, heaven and Bubby's biggest fear: separation from us. He only remembers that his buddy went away, and he can't stop by heaven to visit. Today I remind him that if we have faith, we will all rejoice in heaven together. (It is also a great reminder for me. Stay on the path Tami, make good choices, place God first. Eternity will be so sweet with my babies.) This is a big relief for him. He whimpered in my arms, "When I'm 100, and I go up to heaven, will you still hold me?"
"Yes, my sweet boy, Mommy will hold you forever. . ."
I will hold him forever. Maybe not in my arms, but in my heart. More importantly God is holding my boy, and His love is even better than mine!